Last June will forever be known as a turning point for me. The ministry I worked for had ended, my husband was transitioning to entrepreneurship and our babygirl Nyomi was born. I was so excited to give birth to my first child, but also had a great deal of anxiety. “Will she end up like me?” Anxious, fearful of making decisions, too worried about others opinions, people pleaser, easily swayed and manipulated. Most people say they don’t have regrets, but I do. Honestly, my biggest regret is choosing to make decisions that I did not agree with in order to please others. I had become comfortable in that lifestyle and understood too well the effects it had on me. I couldn’t let daughter live like that.
I remember the phone call. There I was sitting on the couch, stunned, angry and hurt. I needed to make a decision. Nyomi was quietly nursing and looking directly into my eyes. She seemed so sure of herself, she didn’t know any other way to be. I wanted that–the confidence to just be. While looking into her deep eyes my heart violently turned in my chest, I could not contain myself. I knew in that moment that I had to live my life with no regrets and as her Mother, I had to show her how to live. I had to show her how to be brave!
It was not easy saying no and yet, I’m so glad I did. I believe that’s the beauty of bravery. It is not easy, but you do it anyway. Your choice to take the next step immediately knocks fear on its back and your confidence begins to push through. The more you choose to do this, the more confident you become and you start to blaze a trail that others can walk through and even admire.
Nyomi is one now and I am thankful that she is able to benefit from my brave choices. I can see bravery being shaped in her by her choice to confidently say yes or no to people and things, even to me. I naturally want to shelter her from everything, but I make sure to find the balance in being protective and just letting her learn and explore. I won’t always get it right, and that’s not the goal. The goal is to keep saying yes to living a life of purpose on purpose. Bravery is required.
August 2, 2015 at 9:47 PM
Awesome! So encouraging and its great seeing you grow!