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Say What You Need to Say

Fear is a funny thing. Sometimes it’s rational. Like if there is a bear standing in front of you in the wilderness, fear would be pretty appropriate. But more often than not, fear is irrational, and irrational fear keeps from doing a lot of rational things. One of the rational things that irrational fear deters us from doing is saying what we need to say. Why is it so scary to be honest? Well, in relationships, we are usually afraid of how someone might react. We go through all the scenarios in our head and try to figure out if that person will be angry, sad, annoyed, emotional, confused.

I get it. Confrontation is not pleasant. It can be hard and sometimes painful. But it’s worse to let things go on how they are and push your thoughts and feelings under the rug. I’m all too familiar with this process. I don’t want to deal with stuff so I’ll just pretend it’s not there and usually distract myself with the busyness of life. Spoiler alert: It shoves its way out from under the rug eventually and I WILL have to deal with it. UGH! So annoying, but so true. In a relationship, it will surface again if you don’t deal with it now.

Every stage of dating comes with a decision to be completely honest and up-front, or to alter your behavior and dialogue to keep someone interested. From the first date forward, you either decide to be yourself or who someone else wants you to be. It’s so easy to do this when you like the person sitting across from you. But the problem is that neither of you will know if you’re actually a good fit unless you say what you think. I have struggled with this time and time again. My dating experiences have historically been full of trying to impress a guy instead of being the woman God created me to be and being OK with it. Not everyone is going to want what you have to offer, but that’s a good thing.

Know what you stand for, speak up for what you want, and if your S.O. breaks up with you because of it, they weren’t right for you in the first place. Do what is right for you, and the right person will love you even more for it. Be brave, ladies! Stop letting fear of a negative reaction deter you from saying what you need to say.

Don’t Settle for Pigs

Dating is hard. If you’re single, you know what I’m talking about, and if you’re not, you still have experienced some rocky times on the road to a relationship. Bad dates, awkward encounters, the list goes on and on. Why does it feel so hard to find that special someone? I don’t know about you, but one of my biggest issues is having patience. Ugh–that word. It’s not too sexy. Patience seems blah and boring. It sounds like the opposite of taking charge and being “brave” according to the common perception of the word. Most associate the word brave with “YES.” Saying yes to an opportunity or yes to taking a chance.

My dating experiences have taught me that often the bravest thing you can do is not to say “yes,” but to say “no.” Saying “no” to going farther than you’re comfortable in physical terms takes bravery too, but for this post, I’m talking specifically about saying “no” to a relationship that’s not what you want. I have known dating couples who aren’t truly happy in a relationship, yet they continue to put up with their partner for a variety of reasons. One of the most common reasons is that they are afraid they won’t find anyone else. I’ve certainly felt this way and it’s contributed to my staying in relationships longer than I should have.

This idea that you won’t find anyone else to love you is a straight up lie. It’s a big fat lie that breeds fear and insecurity.

If you’re with someone who is not treating you how you want to be treated or something just feels “off,” it’s time to say buh-bye.

Realizing this does not mean you’re high maintenance or your expectations are too high. It is being confident enough to know you can have what you want. Maybe not this second, but it’s out there. The saying “there are other fish in the sea” is 100% true. If you caught the wrong fish, say no. Say no to that “off” feeling inside.

Don’t settle for pigs when you deserve pearls.

Be brave enough to realize what you want, be okay with it, and do not settle for less. It might feel like a gamble. But staying with someone you aren’t compatible with is even more of a gamble. I don’t know about you, but that’s not a bet I’m willing to make. Stop believing the lie that no one else will love you. You ARE lovable, and you deserve pearls. God says so, and that’s not a gamble.

 

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