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Finding Peace in a Time of Chaos

 

 

Show Notes and Resources


What does chaos look like to you? Every day we are faced with emotions, thoughts and waves in our body that can leave us feeling numb or out of control. Join Candy, Ella and Jennifer as they discuss how to find peace in a time of chaos.

Fear can paralyze our ability to trust ourselves and our confidence in decision-making.

Fear often includes a bodily response, particularly to a specific place, activity or circumstance where we have had a traumatic experience.  When we create new, positive experiences for ourselves in those places, we can overcome the avoidance of those places or activities and begin to enjoy them again.  This rewires the pathways in our brain for positive experiences.

We may not be able to change the external circumstances, but we can reprocess and reprogram the ways that we respond to challenges.

We can be affected by others’ fearful responses to us.  We long for others to respond to our fears with care and compassion, but sometimes it triggers their own fears.  How can we be present for others in their fears?

Fear can be debilitating.  It can keep us “locked up,” both mentally and physically, if we are too afraid to even leave our homes.  

Despite the challenging climate right now, with the pandemic and social unrest, we can dig deep in our thoughts and commit to processing our feelings.  It is possible that we can emerge from this challenging time being stronger, healthier and more present!  We have to be present to extend care to others.

Fear can masquerade as other emotions and we aren’t as swift to notice it.  It’s important to identify our emotions and stop the cycle of fear.

We need safe places to release stress and rest our minds and bodies.

One of the greatest ways to combat fear is vulnerability.  Reach out to others; voice the fear; ask for encouragement, prayer and support.

Fear is stifling.  The enemy wants us to be silent, keep everything to ourselves and be alone in our fear.  But God created us for community!

We don’t have to live with fear.  God is present with us!

Reaction vs. Response to Fear:

  • Reaction is our gut response and emotions.
  • Response is intentional, bringing truth to our situation.
  • How can we respond instead of react?

What are your top fear dispellers?

  • Stop and breathe.
  • Remind myself “I am not alone.”  God is with me and is working for the best possible outcome.
  • Rely on my community.  Reach out and ask for help, encouragement and words of truth. 
  • Reflect on God’s faithfulness in the past.  Reflect on my testimony!
  • Playlist of songs to bring myself into a place of worship and centering.
  • Prayer.
  • Name the fear and identify my emotions.
  • Look for the best-case scenario.

Resources:

Social Justice Mindfulness

Become a Bridge Builder- LaTasha Morrison

Posturing Prayer by Tlk.Therapy

6 Tips To Help You Start Meditating, Courtesy of Black Girl in Om’s Lauren Ash

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Who is telling your story?

Photo by Shelby Miller on Unsplash

My therapist and I could not stop belly laughing as I lamented about how terrible I have been with making decisions. You definitely had to be there, but if you know me, then you know I can be a bit dramatic in my responses. It’s not that I’m incapable of making decisions, it’s more so that I was not always confident in the decisions I chose. Growing up I was often faced with backlash and threats regarding my decisions. As a result I would say ‘yes’ to things that I did not want or agree with just to keep the peace. I also had a strong sense of unhealthy obligation attached to the ‘yes’ which prevented me even more from saying what was really in my heart such as: 

“This hurts me.”

“I’m uncomfortable with what you’re asking of me.”

“You no longer have permission to talk to me like that.”

“Thanks for thinking of me but I am not interested.”

“No.”

“No!”

Things I should have said…

Living this way for years created a flourishing environment for anxiety, insecurity, depression and shame that stayed with me for many years. 

Over the last year and a half, I have been on an evolving journey. The more I gain understanding, the more the lesson opens up and graciously gives me something else to learn.  The lesson of this season is learning to give myself permission to say yes and stop denying what I really want.

I have been so insecure in my abilities and fearful of my dreams that I would start and then not finish or was afraid that my dreams weren’t big enough or visible enough. This led to me tying myself to the vision of others because of their excitement! 

Do you remember the first time you felt insecure? I can remember, fourteen year old me. Someone broke my trust and I was sexually abused. At the time the adults in my life lacked the wisdom and knowledge on how to support me. Their decisions regarding the abuse and what they said to me produced doubt in my core beliefs and left me feeling confused. As a form of protection I learned to stay quiet and agree. I hid in layers of clothes (and shame), did not allow myself to get too excited about opportunities and struggled to accept compliments. I wanted validation so badly that I said ‘yes’ more than saying no.

Tears are welling up as I write this except this time I am crying tears of joy, relief and gratitude. I am grateful for being on a journey of trial and error, learning how to say yes to what matters and becoming more aware of what I actually want. 

I am proud to say that I am confidently putting myself back into the narrative of my own life. 

I am making decisions based on what gets me excited and pulls at my heart!

I am finishing projects! 

I am being creative! 

I am outlining experiences that I want to have! 

I am resting! 

I am living! 

What is being produced now is a beautiful outpouring of joy, grace and gratitude that I hope to continuously share with you!  My Brave Sisters, extend grace where you need it. This journey is not an easy one, but as you actively take steps towards self awareness, you will clearly see the opportunities that have been reserved especially for you. They have not passed you by!

Candy

Let’s reflect: 

  • What limiting story are you telling yourself? 
  • What experience or person robbed you of your confidence? 
  • What do you really believe about yourself?  
  • Now think about the limiting story and replace the limitation with empowering words. For example: “I always make terrible decisions,” to “I confidently make good decisions that I am satisfied with.” 
  • What evidence supports your new narrative? 

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Brave Avenue Unscripted: The Intro

Welcome to Brave Avenue Unscripted! Two years ago, I felt the push to start a podcast as an extension to our blog so our audience could hear our conversations on life and what we experience on our brave journeys.  This episode is an intro into who we are, what is Brave Avenue and what it means to be brave? 

Highlights from this episode:

 “Not the absence of fear, but pushing beyond fear. 

 Little brave decisions – “Bravery is a bunch of small decisions you make every single day, not just the huge life-changing ones.”

-“Living in your comfort zone is not a safe place, it can actually work against you…it can keep you from growing… you’re not going to get far.”

“Bravery is the audacity to be unhindered by failures, and to walk with freedom, strength and hope in the face of things unknown.”

“Courage is the ability to do something that frightens someone.“

“Do it afraid.“

Reflection Questions: 

  1. What does it mean to be brave?
  2. The power of no: What do you need to be brave to say no to?
  3. What is your motivation for being brave?
  4. Values-based decisions: Thinking about the values-based decisions, what is the next brave decision you need to make?

Scriptures: 

Psalm 27:14 Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again: Stay with God.

Isaiah 41:10 Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you

Additional Resources:

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To Be Or Not To Be…You

This year has been about pursuing “This is Me”, my identity. Since I’ve invited God to show me who I am, it’s been a heavy battle of letting go of what I’ve believed about myself in exchange for the truth of who He has already created me to be.

If I’ve always been who He says I am, then the question I have to ask myself is: What has kept me from fully embracing it all this time? I believe that false humility has played a significant role in my denial of who I am. False humility hides behind an incorrect perception of humility. False humility is pride cloaking itself as humility. For example, do you often disagree with people when they pay you a compliment or have some kind of rebuttal? Yep, that’s false humility.

I think there is a constant underlying fear of either being perceived as arrogant or not being good enough. In reality, true humility admits the truth. Pride blinds, distracts, and slows down the process of growth. I’ve said in the past that it’s not the truth that hurts but the removal of pride that leaves a powerful sting.

While reading a book called ‘The Marketplace Paradigm”, I realized that I never gave myself permission to be successful. Some part of me withheld the possibility of actually seeing my visions come to pass. It was a turning point in my thinking. I decided that I’m finished pretending I can’t have it all. I am supposed to dream big and have the audacity to believe it can be done. I’ve had to admit that I’ve placed limits on my God-given potential.

It is never too late to get it. God has been waiting for this moment. He has been waiting for you to align yourself with the truth and allow it to set you free. In this freedom you don’t count yourself out and decide that someone else is more qualified. In this freedom you assume that He has set you up for success.

I finally admit that I am a gifted artist and speaker. I challenge you to no longer ignore the compliments and affirmation that come your way. People notice what you are good at and have a tendency to tell you. Ask a co-worker, friend or family member to tell you what they see in you. There is nothing that you lack in gifts. They point you to who you are.

What visions have God played on repeat all your life? What are you passionate about? Take a moment to wholly accept who you are and give yourself permission to just ‘be’. Don’t let false humility get in the way. It’s time to finally admit how truly incredible you are.

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Say What You Need to Say

Fear is a funny thing. Sometimes it’s rational. Like if there is a bear standing in front of you in the wilderness, fear would be pretty appropriate. But more often than not, fear is irrational, and irrational fear keeps from doing a lot of rational things. One of the rational things that irrational fear deters us from doing is saying what we need to say. Why is it so scary to be honest? Well, in relationships, we are usually afraid of how someone might react. We go through all the scenarios in our head and try to figure out if that person will be angry, sad, annoyed, emotional, confused.

I get it. Confrontation is not pleasant. It can be hard and sometimes painful. But it’s worse to let things go on how they are and push your thoughts and feelings under the rug. I’m all too familiar with this process. I don’t want to deal with stuff so I’ll just pretend it’s not there and usually distract myself with the busyness of life. Spoiler alert: It shoves its way out from under the rug eventually and I WILL have to deal with it. UGH! So annoying, but so true. In a relationship, it will surface again if you don’t deal with it now.

Every stage of dating comes with a decision to be completely honest and up-front, or to alter your behavior and dialogue to keep someone interested. From the first date forward, you either decide to be yourself or who someone else wants you to be. It’s so easy to do this when you like the person sitting across from you. But the problem is that neither of you will know if you’re actually a good fit unless you say what you think. I have struggled with this time and time again. My dating experiences have historically been full of trying to impress a guy instead of being the woman God created me to be and being OK with it. Not everyone is going to want what you have to offer, but that’s a good thing.

Know what you stand for, speak up for what you want, and if your S.O. breaks up with you because of it, they weren’t right for you in the first place. Do what is right for you, and the right person will love you even more for it. Be brave, ladies! Stop letting fear of a negative reaction deter you from saying what you need to say.

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Just Do Something

Just read something.

The voice echoed in my head as I rolled over in bed, contemplating what or IF I should read my Bible that morning. Why had this grown to be my morning routine? After weeks of busy, non stop days from early morning to almost midnight most days, my body, mind, and heart was growing accustomed to shutting down and going on autopilot. This day was different however. As I lay there and told God my reasons why I couldn’t grab the Bible right next to me and read. Eventually, he won with that simple “read something”-anything really, just read. Something is better than nothing he seemed to whisper.

Something is better than nothing.

Often we seem to lack the motivation not because we don’t want to do the thing, but because we want to do it well and end up not starting at all out of fear that it won’t go perfectly as planned. For me, that can manifest in several ways: a homework assignment, a tough conversation, or getting up and doing the thing I desired and determined to do just the day before.

With my theme of choosing the Hard Way this year, I’ve realized that in order to get the most out of life and to GIVE the most to my future self, I just have to do something no matter how imperfect or lackluster I think it may be. I have to be able to take a risk in order for any real change to occur.

Indecision is a decision not to decide.

It is still a choice when you choose “not to choose”. There is still risk involved, and it is the risk of not knowing what would have happened had you actually made a real decision. Either way you risk.

That’s kinda what this is all about. That word none of us like but all of us will encounter at some point in our journey. RISK. Which is greater? The risk of making the wrong decision, or the risk of making no decision at all?

When I finally made the decision to just read something that morning, I was blessed and encouraged, something that would not have happened had I chosen to get a few more minutes of sleep. It wasn’t a perfect devotional and journal and prayer time, or even super in depth. It was simple and sweet, and just what I needed. While it wasn’t much of a risk, it was the first step-among many-on the journey to conquering fear. One small victory over indecision, one more step towards a braver me.

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Failing At Failure

What would my life look like without insecurity and the fear of failure? Who would I be? I asked myself this before starting an internal journey of uncovering what truly makes me who I am. Since then, I’ve been placed in situations that have caused me to analyze my life from a different vantage point. God’s point-of-view.

In the past 3 years, I’ve experienced a lot of changes, loss, and transition. This has caused me to question what I want out of life and if I’m even on the right track. Was I as creative as I thought? Do I really want to pursue the big dream of building a successful creative lifestyle and events business? Distrust in my ability to make big things happen in my life had subtly settled in. Last fall, after a particular bout of self-doubt and tears,  I decided that these feelings of defeat could not possibly match God’s perspective of who I am and what I am capable of.

On the final day of a conference I recently attended I had a breakthrough in my perspective. Ryan Leak shared about his experience with “chasing failure” and how it doesn’t mean anything more than the fact that you tried something. I finally understood what God has been trying to get me to understand for months if not years. I thought that failure was a something negative that you avoided at all cost. Rather, it’s a natural part of the process of success. When you really think about it, what is so bad about failure? What does criticism of others matter in the face of what God thinks?

I’ve realized that I’ve been holding back in areas of my life because of a sense of inadequacy that had gone undetected. From relationships to the pursuit of entrepreneurship, my perspective about myself clearly did not match who I truly am.

Here are some recent revelations:
1. I have never experienced lack in my life. It may not have looked or came the way I thought, but God has always come through for me.
2. You cannot help who you are not around. Despite all the ways I can fail people, I have to have grace for myself. I can make an impact in people’s lives if I get over myself enough to be present. The world is waiting for me to be who I am called to be.
3. Not having excuses is the scary part. Persevering and attaining my dreams is up to me and no one else. I have to recognize that I’m not in this alone and that God has given me the resources and support I need to do well. It can be done.

What would the absence of fear and negative ideas reveal about you? The things that don’t work out are not necessarily an indicator of the final outcome. Don’t be discouraged; brave on. God has set you up to win.  I leave you with the question Ryan Leak asked an arrested crowd of 8,000 people:

“What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”

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Receiving Grace

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The alarm clock went off and I fumbled to quickly silence and get those last few seconds of peace before another hectic day begins. As I started to wake up, I soon realized that this was my backup alarm and I missed my workout, the second time in the past week. Now, if you’re any normal person, this is not a big deal, you dust yourself off and go on with the day. For me that morning, however, it was a bit of a meltdown. I couldn’t believe how I had failed yet again and that this was totally NOT living the hard way (like I had committed to do here), and how was I ever going to reap those long term rewards if I couldn’t even get up for a simple workout. As I ruminated on this, the stress of other events came into my mind and I connected my failure in waking up late to having a negative effect on the rest of my life as well, like my studies, work, relationship, and overall wellbeing.

Stress can do this odd thing to people, where it makes them crazy and overreact to everything. I did it to myself. I was getting too stressed that I forgot that I was blessed. I had tried too hard to lean on my own understanding and my own power, that when I failed, I had no where to go except to beat up myself and “try harder next time.” My closest friends and family told me I was being too hard on myself, and I excused it away in the name of being “disciplined.”

I couldn’t accept the grace that was extended to me, because I couldn’t even give myself grace. It was like I was unworthy of grace and kindness because I had failed. The grace that God offered, and the grace that his children were offering me was undeserved. But that’s kind of the point.

Sometimes you have to be brave enough to humble yourself and receive. Receive the grace that others have to offer, even when you can’t give it to yourself. Receive the service of others, because sometimes you have to be served instead of constantly serving. Receive the love and joy that comes from the forgiveness and kindness of others, especially when it is undeserved.

Receive the grace… even when you can’t give it to yourself.

When I could finally accept that God and others could have grace for me, I was able to have a little more grace for myself. Life is hard and gets stressful sometimes. However, that we can still accept the grace that is extended us to live out this brave journey we are on.

This journey is not meant to be lived alone and most definitely not within your own power. The grace of God and others can bring such joy and depth! Accept the grace today. You don’t have to have it all together.

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Ending the FOMO

I’ve had several opportunities to be brave in my life. We all have, haven’t we? Speaking your mind, taking chances, and even talking to a stranger can be exercises in bravery. Recently, my biggest opportunity to be brave involved my post-graduation plans. After studying abroad and interning in New York within a year, all I wanted to be was home. New York was stressful and scary and hectic—and it terrified me. I wanted to spend time with friends and family, and be in a cozy little apartment where I had full control of my life and my environment.

After a summer off, my priority was finding a job. Unfortunately, opportunities seemed plentiful in the place from which I had come RUNNING back to Texas at the end of my internship—New York City. I decided to do one of the things that scared me most and move back. I had some contacts and went in hopes of getting a job within a month or so. The interviews were intimidating. Walking into the corporate offices of companies like Ralph Lauren and Estee Lauder was unnerving to me, but I went anyway. Believe it or not, I was even making my peace with the city. Six weeks and a dozen interviews later, nothing was working out.

Frustrated with the NYC job market, I began to toy with searching in Dallas. Going home might seem like a no-brainer, but I worried what people would think. I didn’t want to be that girl who went to New York with a big dream only to give up. I was embarrassed. I was also afraid of missing an opportunity. In millennial terms, the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) was real.

The flaw in my thought process? FOMO is irrational. No matter where we are, we’re always “missing out” on something else. We can’t be everywhere at once, and that’s okay. It was time to let it go and be honest with myself about my real goal: to find a job. As soon as I deemed FOMO for what it is—(silly)—God opened a door. Within a week of applying for jobs in Texas, I got something.

Stop being crippled by the fear of missing out. Fear-based mentalities won’t help you achieve your goals. (Tweet it!) Instead, channel bravery in your everyday life. You will find the possibilities are endless!”

You can follow Rachel’s adventures

If you would like to share a brave story along your journey, fill out a contact form here!
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