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Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser

In a previous post I talked about how 2016 will be the year of “This is Me”. My hope is to finally see myself the way God sees me and unashamedly live my life out loud. My turning point came after being pressed to look back at one of the most uncertain times of my life: My parents’ divorce when I was 10 years old.

The divorce shook my world. When you come out of a divorce as complex and volatile as my parents’, it’s natural to find ways to cope. In the aftermath, I felt it was my job to keep everyone happy.  I used to work hard to please both of my parents. When I couldn’t, I focused on pleasing one. Approval seeking became a way of life. If I didn’t get it from one place, I somehow sought it from another.

I had become a people pleaser.

I had become a people pleaser. It was the only way I knew how to navigate in a world that had become unrecognizable. People pleasers have a way of living in the open yet remain hidden at the same time. I never wanted to let others down and tended to hide my true feelings to keep the peace. It was a deep-rooted mentality that subconsciously ruled my life.

For a long time, I’ve sought the approval of certain individuals despite my desire to seek only Gods’. Now I can see the many times I’ve said ‘yes’ when I should have said ‘no’ out of fear of disappointing others or being perceived as uncaring. I know that I am capable of incredible things yet I have doubted my ability to be successful at them.  I’ve feared that I won’t live up to the vision that God has given me.

people pleasing quote

It’s difficult to break out of a mindset you’ve lived out of for decades. Despite the sense of familiarity and safety in it, I decided to make a choice and allow God to challenge my thinking. To search my heart and reveal what has held me back from truly living out loud.

I’ve never felt freer than I do today. I value myself and choose to no longer play down my gifts. I understand now that my ‘no’ is just as powerful as my ‘yes”. I recognize what has been within me: bravery. I want to shout from a mountaintop “I get it now”! As a recovering people-pleaser, I invite you to break away from the approval seeking that comes from self-doubt. Allow God to bring truth and balance to your world. When you set your heart on what pleases God, everybody wins including you.

Seasons change and so do we 

It’s 1:00 in the morning and I find myself in an all too familiar state. I just put babygirl back to sleep and now I am wide awake on Facebook.
I love scrolling through my friends photos checking out new styles or opportunities they are taking part in. I draw inspiration from their good news and it also gives me an opportunity to “catch up.”
As I continue scrolling through, I come upon a recent celebration and noticed that someone appeared to be missing from the photos. Initially, I felt left out and sad.

Why wasn’t I invited to this gathering? 

The more I pondered on this I realized.

I am in a different season. 

 

My life has drastically changed in the last two years. I have gone from a season of singleness to marriage. From zero children to now two! As I continued to come out of my funk, the words from my mentor danced across my mind. 

“Your marriage and your family are your very first ministry.

That reminder brought so much joy to my heart. For me, one of the hardest transitions as a wife and mother was accepting that my friendships would change. Although they have changed it does not mean they have to end. Lauryn Hill said it like this.

Everything is everything. What is meant to be will be. After winter, must come spring, change, it comes eventually.

Our Heavenly Father has planned out our lives with infinite joy and wisdom. He knows what needs to be harvested in each season he has ordered. The only thing constant is change, therefore we have to stop resisting it.

Are you frustrated because you are comparing your season to someone else’s.

  • You might be single and desire to be married.
  • Married and desire to have children.
  • You are working a 9-5 but desire to be a #GIRLBOSS or
  • Maybe you have a big dream in your heart that hasn’t fully taken off yet.

No matter what, choose to enjoy your season. You are not missing out, God has not forgotten you! When you value your season you throw off frustration and get to experience all that God wants for you now. What do you value in your current season? Share with us in the comment box below!

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